Sleep has been pretty hard to come by lately, and it's starting to get frustrating. I thought that I was done with this a couple months ago, but I guess that was only a small respite. It doesn't happen every night, but the frequency is picking up again; kind of like a train picking up speed. This is not a train I would like to board.
Maybe I just have a lot on my mind. If that's the case then some blogging might help, or it could tire me out at least. I never wanted to use my blog as a place to vent about my issues, but I feel like I just need to get some things out, especially since sleeping is not much of an option right now. The way I see it, I have at least three main issues on my mind: I am getting pretty close to graduation and I don't know where (or if) I will be working afterward; Since I don't know where I'll be working, I don't know where I will be living; The last thing is something that I have, for whatever reason, decided to keep to a minimum on my blog. I guess I don't want somebody I care about to just stumble upon it on here (which is a funny thought because I don't know how many people read this anyway) but it's something that is best said in person. At any rate, it starts with a D and the second half rhymes with "horse." Call me if you need further explanation.
To put it like Dr. Klaus's Lutheran Hour sermon a couple weeks ago, I just had a "duh" moment. In my complaining I just realized that these issues that I have been worrying about so much are just the things that God wants us to take to Him in prayer. I almost deleted this post because the complaining I did in the beginning seems so, for lack of a better word, silly. I decided to keep it because it helped me realize something important. When I said "call me if you need further explanation," I guess God picked up the phone...
I don't want people to get the idea that I haven't been praying about these things. I have actually prayed about them quite a bit. My problem hasn't been in the delivery however, but in the follow-through. I have gone to God with my worries--but then I keep worrying about them! Imagine asking a friend to help you get through your "to do" list and then racking your brain about how you are going to manage to get it all done yourself. Yeah, it's kinda like that. I don't expect God to fill out my resume or go house-hunting for me; those are my department. God wants to handle my worry though, and from what I've read about it in His book, He's pretty good at it.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28
Maybe I should spend less time worrying and more time praying--and then actually letting my worries go. Besides, life isn't about my "to do" list anyway; it's about God's. I would also say that I should spend less time blogging about my worrying, but that actually turned into something constructive here. I did say that some blogging might help, right?!