Blastoff!

The countdown has finished its slow march down to "zero" and the ignition sequence initiated successfully. The rocket thrusters provided liftoff, and I was launched into a whole new life! Although it kinda feels like I've blasted off into outer-space (with the whole change of scenery and all), I know that I've only gone about 80 miles south of Fort Collins!

I moved my last load of boxes and things into my new digs in Greenwood Village yesterday and had my first day of work today. Right now I'm sitting on the clubhouse patio stealing the free Internet connection since I haven't gotten around to getting Comcast to swing by yet. I actually DID need the Internet to check on my email and bills...and Facebook, but I figured I'd make a quick post while I was here. I've been really lousy about keeping this thing updated over the past month or so.

Anyway, I'd have to say it's not too bad so far! I think things will turn out just fine. All I need to do now is get settled into my new job, do some things with my apartment, and find some friends to keep me from becoming TOO much of a workaholic (I don't know too many people up here, but everyone seems really friendly!).

Oh, and remember that stupid train I was complaining about a couple months ago? Ever since the "new" engineer stepped in at the engine it's been a much better ride. He has everything in His control.

"Price check on happiness"

Ok. I haven't written on here for awhile, and I was planning on "easing" back into my blog with something light, but I guess that's just not how I do things. Instead, I decided to talk about the "cost of happiness." Deep-- I know, right?

If you're thinking to yourself, "Duh, you can't buy happiness," then you're on the right track, but that's not really my point. Let me explain: I had a conversation with someone today who told me, "I just want to be happy." Although I didn't share it, a thought popped into my head--"Even happiness can have a pricetag." This thought bothered me a little. Am I really that cynical?

The conclusion I came up with was slightly more uplifting. We live in a world driven by action and reaction, cause and effect. We can't be happy with every situation that life throws our way, so we seek out ways to make our lives better--happier. In some of these cases we find that sacrifices need to be made in order to achieve the happiness that we want. To put it bluntly: if you want to make an omelet you're going to have to break some eggs. That's the kind of cost that I'm talking about here. You can still have your cake and eat it, but you can't always expect to have every single piece. I know I haven't been very uplifting yet, but bear with me.

Prepare for liftoff! Happiness is a wonderful feeling, but we can't expect it to be a constant feeling. God wants for us to be happy, but why does it seem so hard sometimes? Maybe it's because we're trying to "buy" the wrong brand of happiness. Worldly happiness isn't always a bad thing, but we need to read and understand the fine print on the label: "Effects temporary. Re-dose as needed." Eventually after enough "doses" of worldly happiness you're going to need to go pick up some more and, in keeping with my price check analogy, this can become a bit expensive. This is why we can't completely rely on that product to keep us happy. We need the "good stuff!" Luckily God has already provided the solution--and it's free!

True happiness is the joy found in the love our our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, yet even this true happiness came at a price. For our salvation (and true, eternal happiness being the result) God sacrificed His Son on the cross to pay for our sins. With this we were given a source of true happiness and joy that surpasses any kind of happiness that Planet Earth Inc. may try to sell us. This kind of happiness will never run out and we won't have to go looking for more. Best of all, it comes free of charge to us. The debt was paid in full through the death and resurrection of Christ. Here's to days just packed with the true happiness which comes by way of God's love for us!

Forgiveness and Baseball

Here's a little-known fact about me: Baseball used to be my very favorite sport. This was probably due to the fact that my Grandpa Janssen lived for the game and was a die-hard fan of any team with players who would "play the game" (mostly the Cubs). I was pretty young, but I still remember bringing my favorite baseball cards to show him whenever we made the trek across Nebraska to visit him and Grandma.

This is also part of the reason why baseball and I had a sort of falling out. When Grandpa fell ill with the sickness that eventually sent him home, all he could do was lie in bed and watch the ball games. That was also the year of the strike. I felt that in a time when he needed baseball the most, it left him; and all this out of selfish greed for higher paychecks. I still enjoyed the game, but I held a BIG grudge. I think it's time to forgive. That's what Grandpa would have wanted anyway.

As a result, this year I've been really getting into baseball again; and I'm really excited! In addition to keeping up on my favorite team (the Rockies, who else?), a week or two ago a good friend of mine invited me to try something new: Fantasy Baseball. All of this got me thinking, so I had to share it in my blog. I just started my team and designed the logo. My team is called the Phelpstowne Farmers, and I put the logo at the top of the post. I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out! At any rate, I'm glad I can fully enjoy the game again.

Baseball: I forgive you. Let's be friends again.

Here's to days just packed with the sounds of wooden bats and the smells of leather gloves, outfield grass, and roasted peanuts.

No problem! I'm an engineer...

I find it funny that I'm constantly looking at the world through the eyes of an engineer. This could be good or bad, depending upon how you sway it. This outlook can be a little problematic when applied to abstract feelings and emotions (which are a couple things on my "to do" list to talk about later), but in the case of finding simple solutions to life's tangible frustrations I do just fine. Here are a couple examples:

On Friday afternoon I went to the gym to relieve some of the angst and excitement that the week brought me. After a substantial time bonding with my jump rope, I went to hit the speed bag for awhile. Since our new mat studio, equipped with two wall mounted bags and variously-sized big bags, STILL isn't open, I had to play with the crappy free-standing bag in the weight room. This bag isn't exactly stable, which makes it both hard to hit and VERY noisy. I'd been hitting this bag since they opened up the new part of the rec, but today I was annoyed in about 5 minutes. In my annoyance, I took my sweat towel and jammed it between the top mounting board and cross-braces. Instant fix.

Another time, I had to deal with a doorstop that wouldn't stop the door. Anytime someone would try to get the little wooden wedge to keep the door open, it would just slide across the floor and make a frustrating "buzz" noise as if it were laughing at our feeble attempts. Eventually, somebody went looking for a sandbag to prop the stupid thing open. Again, the engineer in me kicked into gear and I told them to save themselves the trouble. I took the wedge, spit on the bottom, and replaced it under the door. No more stupid door-that-wouldn't-stay-open.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm bragging about being able to fix a few simple problems, but it's my blog and I feel I'm entitled to a little bit of bragging rights. I do have a point behind all this though. When I provide these simple, unthought-of fixes people actually seem a little amazed, like they can't believe how I came up with it. And they stay amazed until I tell them, "Oh, it's no problem. I'm an engineer." With that quick phrase, their amazement makes a sharp transformation into one where it makes perfect sense that I came up with a solution; I guess it's like saying, "Well, since he's an engineer, it's not so impressive."

Is this a problem? Not at all. If I was in the business of impressing people, I wouldn't tell them that I'm an engineer when I'm done fixing something. Why is this significant? I think it helps define my goals as a person. I just like fixing things and helping people. I try to use the gifts I have been given in order to help others. Spiderman and Superman don't like to take much praise for what they do, and they are in the business of stopping runaway trains filled with women and children and such. For them it's "All in a day's work."

That's how I think it should be. "All in a day's work." Go forth and conquer.

Insomnia and "Duh" Moments

Sleep has been pretty hard to come by lately, and it's starting to get frustrating. I thought that I was done with this a couple months ago, but I guess that was only a small respite. It doesn't happen every night, but the frequency is picking up again; kind of like a train picking up speed. This is not a train I would like to board.

Maybe I just have a lot on my mind. If that's the case then some blogging might help, or it could tire me out at least. I never wanted to use my blog as a place to vent about my issues, but I feel like I just need to get some things out, especially since sleeping is not much of an option right now. The way I see it, I have at least three main issues on my mind: I am getting pretty close to graduation and I don't know where (or if) I will be working afterward; Since I don't know where I'll be working, I don't know where I will be living; The last thing is something that I have, for whatever reason, decided to keep to a minimum on my blog. I guess I don't want somebody I care about to just stumble upon it on here (which is a funny thought because I don't know how many people read this anyway) but it's something that is best said in person. At any rate, it starts with a D and the second half rhymes with "horse." Call me if you need further explanation.

Wow.

To put it like Dr. Klaus's Lutheran Hour sermon a couple weeks ago, I just had a "duh" moment. In my complaining I just realized that these issues that I have been worrying about so much are just the things that God wants us to take to Him in prayer. I almost deleted this post because the complaining I did in the beginning seems so, for lack of a better word, silly. I decided to keep it because it helped me realize something important. When I said "call me if you need further explanation," I guess God picked up the phone...

I don't want people to get the idea that I haven't been praying about these things. I have actually prayed about them quite a bit. My problem hasn't been in the delivery however, but in the follow-through. I have gone to God with my worries--but then I keep worrying about them! Imagine asking a friend to help you get through your "to do" list and then racking your brain about how you are going to manage to get it all done yourself. Yeah, it's kinda like that. I don't expect God to fill out my resume or go house-hunting for me; those are my department. God wants to handle my worry though, and from what I've read about it in His book, He's pretty good at it.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28

Maybe I should spend less time worrying and more time praying--and then actually letting my worries go. Besides, life isn't about my "to do" list anyway; it's about God's. I would also say that I should spend less time blogging about my worrying, but that actually turned into something constructive here. I did say that some blogging might help, right?!

Changing Gears

I haven't written anything on here for awhile. I've really wanted to, but it's been a bit hard to find anything that's really worth writing about lately. That's what I thought anyway, until just now when I sat down and forced my fingers to start typing...something...anything!

Last week I decided that my brain needed to shift gears for awhile; try something new. I have always admired people who can draw/sketch/paint. My grandmother was an amazing painter, and I have a photo of one of her best paintings hanging in my bedroom (I've actually been thinking of moving it to the living room so other people can enjoy it). The actual painting is hanging in my parent's house until I have a permanent place to display it. My mom acquired the talent, and I love watching her paintings progress on her blog or whenever I make it home for a visit (I think I have a link to her art page somewhere on here). I also consider my sister to be a very talented painter.

Up until last week I guess I figured that the "art gene" was limited to the women in my family, so I never really tried much in that category. As I said earlier however, I felt that my brain needed a gear shift, so I grabbed my sketchbook and a picture of one of my favorite places (Greyrock up the Poudre Canyon) and I began a pencil sketch. It's not quite finished yet, but I'm happy with the result so far. Even if the drawing isn't any good "the result" can also refer to how relaxing it was just to sit with some music and draw. Now I see why my grandma, my mom, and my sister enjoy painting. It really helps to refocus the mind, especially when things aren't going so great.

I hope to have it finished when I go home to visit the folks for Easter this weekend. When it's done, I might get up enough nerve to post it on here. We'll see!

Leaf Piles and Herb Gardens

How can these two things have any relation to each other? I didn't make a connection until recently, as I sat and let my thoughts run free. As I sat in contemplation, I made some deep observations about my life the last few months. This blog post won't be like many of the others I usually write.

Last spring, we started an herb garden in the kitchen window. As the herbs grew and thrived in the sun, the kitchen was filled with the fresh scent of herbs. In October, I could see the leaves falling from the trees through the kitchen herb window; a milestone of the changing of seasons. I raked the leaves in the front yard into a huge pile just waiting to be jumped in. We always played in the leaves, but some drastic changes were in the works last fall and this pile was left untouched. The first snow buried it for the duration of the winter months. Like the pile of leaves, the herb garden was also left untouched and it died. I closed the window blinds.

Yesterday I raked the pile of leaves. They were pretty wet and gross from sitting in a snowbank for several months, but there was still some new grass trying to green up underneath. When it was all cleaned up, I saw my first robin of spring; yet another milestone of changing seasons. Today I replanted the herbs in the window. All that was left of the old herbs was withered up leaves and dried up soil. When I was finished planting, the smell of fresh soil filled the kitchen and the dried up leaves from the old herbs left a sweet smell--one last time.

This whole business of old leaf piles and dried up herb gardens being cleaned up and replanted helped to remind me about the renewal and rebirth found through Christ. When life threw me an inside curve ball at the end of this last year I was at a loss for what to do. I felt like the leaf pile and the dead herbs would outlast some larger issues. In a way, these two things started to represent those bigger problems, somewhat like a shrine to "the issue." God has a speciel way of helping us see that His undying love will always endure, and that through Him we can get through anything life throws our way.

I cleaned up the leaves and replanted the herbs. As a result I saw new grass, I heard a robin's song, and I smelled the freshness of new soil mixed with the final smell of something good that had passed away. It was as if God was holding me in His embrace and telling me, "See, it's not so bad. I have made everything new. Life goes on."

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death
or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed
away. He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everyting new!'
Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Revelation 21:4-5