*Sigh

This week is the first week of Band Camp for the CSU Marching Band (CSURFVMB) <----A gold star if you figure out the acronym. This week is also the first week in five years that I haven't been in it and, I have to admit-- I miss it already. The Band was big part of my life at CSU, and no matter how many times I said I was glad to be done, I can't help but be a little sad that I am.

I know that this past March I finished off that chapter in my life, and I even made a blog post about it. I "turned the page" so to speak, but I also "didn't close the book." The best stories are the ones that continue to be told even if the following chapters follow a different direction. I know it sounds geeky, but this week was one of reflection for me. I flipped back a few pages and looked back at some of the greatest memories I had while being in the band-- friendships I made (many of which have continued), the long, hot days I complained about but secretly loved (a far cry from my new life in the air-conditioned office), losing my voice and hurting my hands as I yelled commands and clapped the cadence time and time again until the new marchers "got it" (maybe I don't miss that as much!), and the feeling of successfully running through the entire show for the first time with music and drill (one of the greatest feelings of "mission accomplished" a band member could feel at the end of camp). *Sigh (typically the rest of the alto section would respond in chorus with another, even louder sigh).

Yes, I miss band, and yes, that makes me a band geek. As I said in my last post, music is still a big part of my life, and I'm sure it always will be. Even though I'm a little sad this week as I look back at my memories of band, I don't see this as a bad thing. For one, I have something to miss, which means that I was once involved in it. And secondly, I miss it, which means I enjoyed doing it. So, as always...

Here's to Days Just Packed with some very fond memories!

Return of the Muse

I have always loved music. From the time I was a little kid I loved to sit down with an instrument and just let the music flow out. I admit that there were, and are, some times when what was flowing into the air was more like pollution rather than sweet music, but I still loved doing it. It was a form of expressing myself, a way to make others smile, and an outlet to step outside of reality for a moment.

Although only a handful of people have ever heard my pieces, I also love to compose music. Just sitting and creating a piece that is completely fresh and new is something that I can spend hours doing and days agonizing over in order to get the sounds "just right." Writing music is a big outlet for me when words just won't do. Sometimes l like to think that there is a muse sitting next to me and softly humming the melody into my ear. This becomes even more fitting since the file extensions on my Finale program are ".mus" (nerdy, yes, but I have to feel like the muse is getting some credit with every music file I save on my computer).

Unfortunately, until a few nights ago I haven't been able to compose a decent piece of music for the past 8 months-- and how I did try! I would sit and look at a blank staff and wait for that soft whisper but it just wouldn't come anymore. I feel like this boils down to the fact that I had linked my muse to a specific person in my life. I felt that when she left, so did my inspiration, and this became extremely problematic for me. At a time when I felt like I needed the musical outlet the most, I felt that I had been abandoned by my muse. In reality, I had really been pushing the muse away.

This last Thursday, I heard the whisper again (metaphorically speaking, of course). I had just finished watching a movie when I started humming a tune I had never heard before. In pure excitement I ran to my computer and started writing. Four hours later I had finally managed a piece that I could consider "mostly finished." This small event was exciting for me for a couple different reasons. First and foremost I could finally write music again! I had worried that my muse would never return. Secondly, this helped show me that I am continuing to move forward with my life and that my muse is something that cannot be taken away. I refuse to allow past hurts to prevent me from doing the things I enjoy or things that define who I am. Life is too short and some things in it are too wonderful for me to spend my time living under a rock. Besides, the underside of rocks are dark and smelly--and there are spiders.

Here's to Day's Just Packed with music!

Shiny Happy People

So I've been living in Greenwood Village for about a month now, and I figured it'd be a good idea to make an update to the old blog since my last post was...about a month ago, go figure!

One of the big stereotypes I have had since growing up about people living in Denver (or the Denver area) was that they aren't typically the friendly sort. No passing by on the sidewalk with friendly smile and a warm hello. Of course I have family and friends from Denver, so this rule never applied to them--only those "other"people. Now it's time for me to swallow my pride and eat a big helping of humble pie. Okay, I may be exaggerating a little, but I've still been pleasantly surprised.

The people around where I live are really friendly; that's one of the first things I noticed when I moved in. Usually when I get home from work, Tim from across the way and Kevin from upstairs are outside with their sons Liam and Kai in the midst of a never-ending squirt gun war. They always smile and ask me about work or how I'm getting settled in, if I've been watching the World Cup or if I'm planning on going to another Rockies game soon. Sometimes Jack from next door will be out on his patio watering his flowers, or Gay (yes, her name is Gay) from the other next door will be out riding her "trike" with her dog Ralphie. Nice people.

My new church, Our Father Lutheran, is great! I feel really welcome there, and the people are really nice. A few weeks ago they convinced me to "Ride the River," a 30-mile bike ride along the Platte to benefit their youth ministry, and last weekend I joined in on Sunday night volleyball. More nice people.

About once a week I hop a train to Downtown for a ball game. I usually find myself in some sort of conversation. Whether it's a girl wanting to take a picture of my CSU Rams hat (weird?), a guy who wanted me to help him start train-wide "Go Rockies", "USA", or "Yankees suck" (again, weird?) cheers, or just a random group of people who decided I needed to be in their conversation, I don't find myself terribly bored on the train. Granted most of the people riding back from Downtown are a bit tipsy, but their still really nice--do we see a pattern?

Here's to Days Just Packed with shiny, happy people! (and yes, I did turn on the REM song when I wrote this).

Blastoff!

The countdown has finished its slow march down to "zero" and the ignition sequence initiated successfully. The rocket thrusters provided liftoff, and I was launched into a whole new life! Although it kinda feels like I've blasted off into outer-space (with the whole change of scenery and all), I know that I've only gone about 80 miles south of Fort Collins!

I moved my last load of boxes and things into my new digs in Greenwood Village yesterday and had my first day of work today. Right now I'm sitting on the clubhouse patio stealing the free Internet connection since I haven't gotten around to getting Comcast to swing by yet. I actually DID need the Internet to check on my email and bills...and Facebook, but I figured I'd make a quick post while I was here. I've been really lousy about keeping this thing updated over the past month or so.

Anyway, I'd have to say it's not too bad so far! I think things will turn out just fine. All I need to do now is get settled into my new job, do some things with my apartment, and find some friends to keep me from becoming TOO much of a workaholic (I don't know too many people up here, but everyone seems really friendly!).

Oh, and remember that stupid train I was complaining about a couple months ago? Ever since the "new" engineer stepped in at the engine it's been a much better ride. He has everything in His control.

"Price check on happiness"

Ok. I haven't written on here for awhile, and I was planning on "easing" back into my blog with something light, but I guess that's just not how I do things. Instead, I decided to talk about the "cost of happiness." Deep-- I know, right?

If you're thinking to yourself, "Duh, you can't buy happiness," then you're on the right track, but that's not really my point. Let me explain: I had a conversation with someone today who told me, "I just want to be happy." Although I didn't share it, a thought popped into my head--"Even happiness can have a pricetag." This thought bothered me a little. Am I really that cynical?

The conclusion I came up with was slightly more uplifting. We live in a world driven by action and reaction, cause and effect. We can't be happy with every situation that life throws our way, so we seek out ways to make our lives better--happier. In some of these cases we find that sacrifices need to be made in order to achieve the happiness that we want. To put it bluntly: if you want to make an omelet you're going to have to break some eggs. That's the kind of cost that I'm talking about here. You can still have your cake and eat it, but you can't always expect to have every single piece. I know I haven't been very uplifting yet, but bear with me.

Prepare for liftoff! Happiness is a wonderful feeling, but we can't expect it to be a constant feeling. God wants for us to be happy, but why does it seem so hard sometimes? Maybe it's because we're trying to "buy" the wrong brand of happiness. Worldly happiness isn't always a bad thing, but we need to read and understand the fine print on the label: "Effects temporary. Re-dose as needed." Eventually after enough "doses" of worldly happiness you're going to need to go pick up some more and, in keeping with my price check analogy, this can become a bit expensive. This is why we can't completely rely on that product to keep us happy. We need the "good stuff!" Luckily God has already provided the solution--and it's free!

True happiness is the joy found in the love our our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, yet even this true happiness came at a price. For our salvation (and true, eternal happiness being the result) God sacrificed His Son on the cross to pay for our sins. With this we were given a source of true happiness and joy that surpasses any kind of happiness that Planet Earth Inc. may try to sell us. This kind of happiness will never run out and we won't have to go looking for more. Best of all, it comes free of charge to us. The debt was paid in full through the death and resurrection of Christ. Here's to days just packed with the true happiness which comes by way of God's love for us!

Forgiveness and Baseball

Here's a little-known fact about me: Baseball used to be my very favorite sport. This was probably due to the fact that my Grandpa Janssen lived for the game and was a die-hard fan of any team with players who would "play the game" (mostly the Cubs). I was pretty young, but I still remember bringing my favorite baseball cards to show him whenever we made the trek across Nebraska to visit him and Grandma.

This is also part of the reason why baseball and I had a sort of falling out. When Grandpa fell ill with the sickness that eventually sent him home, all he could do was lie in bed and watch the ball games. That was also the year of the strike. I felt that in a time when he needed baseball the most, it left him; and all this out of selfish greed for higher paychecks. I still enjoyed the game, but I held a BIG grudge. I think it's time to forgive. That's what Grandpa would have wanted anyway.

As a result, this year I've been really getting into baseball again; and I'm really excited! In addition to keeping up on my favorite team (the Rockies, who else?), a week or two ago a good friend of mine invited me to try something new: Fantasy Baseball. All of this got me thinking, so I had to share it in my blog. I just started my team and designed the logo. My team is called the Phelpstowne Farmers, and I put the logo at the top of the post. I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out! At any rate, I'm glad I can fully enjoy the game again.

Baseball: I forgive you. Let's be friends again.

Here's to days just packed with the sounds of wooden bats and the smells of leather gloves, outfield grass, and roasted peanuts.

No problem! I'm an engineer...

I find it funny that I'm constantly looking at the world through the eyes of an engineer. This could be good or bad, depending upon how you sway it. This outlook can be a little problematic when applied to abstract feelings and emotions (which are a couple things on my "to do" list to talk about later), but in the case of finding simple solutions to life's tangible frustrations I do just fine. Here are a couple examples:

On Friday afternoon I went to the gym to relieve some of the angst and excitement that the week brought me. After a substantial time bonding with my jump rope, I went to hit the speed bag for awhile. Since our new mat studio, equipped with two wall mounted bags and variously-sized big bags, STILL isn't open, I had to play with the crappy free-standing bag in the weight room. This bag isn't exactly stable, which makes it both hard to hit and VERY noisy. I'd been hitting this bag since they opened up the new part of the rec, but today I was annoyed in about 5 minutes. In my annoyance, I took my sweat towel and jammed it between the top mounting board and cross-braces. Instant fix.

Another time, I had to deal with a doorstop that wouldn't stop the door. Anytime someone would try to get the little wooden wedge to keep the door open, it would just slide across the floor and make a frustrating "buzz" noise as if it were laughing at our feeble attempts. Eventually, somebody went looking for a sandbag to prop the stupid thing open. Again, the engineer in me kicked into gear and I told them to save themselves the trouble. I took the wedge, spit on the bottom, and replaced it under the door. No more stupid door-that-wouldn't-stay-open.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm bragging about being able to fix a few simple problems, but it's my blog and I feel I'm entitled to a little bit of bragging rights. I do have a point behind all this though. When I provide these simple, unthought-of fixes people actually seem a little amazed, like they can't believe how I came up with it. And they stay amazed until I tell them, "Oh, it's no problem. I'm an engineer." With that quick phrase, their amazement makes a sharp transformation into one where it makes perfect sense that I came up with a solution; I guess it's like saying, "Well, since he's an engineer, it's not so impressive."

Is this a problem? Not at all. If I was in the business of impressing people, I wouldn't tell them that I'm an engineer when I'm done fixing something. Why is this significant? I think it helps define my goals as a person. I just like fixing things and helping people. I try to use the gifts I have been given in order to help others. Spiderman and Superman don't like to take much praise for what they do, and they are in the business of stopping runaway trains filled with women and children and such. For them it's "All in a day's work."

That's how I think it should be. "All in a day's work." Go forth and conquer.